It's here...

Well, it's here...Kindergarten!!!  I very clearly remember taking Avery to her first day of Mother's Day Out when she was 17 months old.  I walked down the long hallway of the building, fighting back tears, listening to her scream, hoping no one was watching me...and then making a mad dash to the car so I could squall my eyes out.  I recall saying to myself, "pull yourself together, Macy.  It's just one day.  What in the world are you going to do when she starts kindergarten?"  It seems like yesterday.  And now we're here.

And today went a lot better than I ever imagined.  No choking up and fighting back tears or making a mad dash to the car after dropping her off.  And part of the reason it was easy was because Avery was sooooo excited.  We have been talking about Kindergarten since she finished 4 year old pre-K in May, and we've been anticipating it all summer.  I was joking with her one day last week and told her I wasn't going to let her go to kindergarten...she was growing too fast, and I was going to miss her, so she had to stay home with me.  She just laughed at me and said, "mom, but I really want to go to Kindergarten!"  I can't argue with that.  She strutted from the parking lot to the front door of the building where she posed for a picture, prancing in the hallway where I captured another picture, and then quite focused she went into her classroom with a hug and a smile and she began her table activity.  I barely got her to look up for a picture, much less get a wave goodbye when I left.  And so "Mommy and da boyz" (as we like to call ourselves these days) dropped Avery off for her first day of kindergarten and left to run some errands.  Shane, my mom and my sister and a few friends called to check on me, and surprising to everyone...no tears.  Shane said he wasn't sure who he was more proud of - me or Avery :-)

I was kind of proud of the way that I handled myself....and pride always comes before a fall.  So we had some time to kill before going to pick up Avery and considering that it's blazing hot outside, and we didn't have time to go back home, we went to the good, ole mall playground.  The boys were busy playing and before I realized it, it hit me.  My mind took me to a time when Avery was just old enough to start enjoying the mall playground and it was quite a new adventure ....and all the countless times we've been there since then.  And now she's not here with us.  And I missed her.  Or actually, I began to anticipate how much I'm going to miss having her with me all the time, like I have for the past, almost 5 years.  Yes, the tears started pouring, those big, fat tears, the kind that make audible drops onto your clothing or the seat where you are sitting.

Hoping no one would notice me, and hoping I could find a kleenex in my purse.  It didn't take long to pull myself together, and before I knew it it was time to go get Avery. 

God's been working on me and preparing me for this new season, no doubt.  And with His strength and guidance He's helped me to intentionally choose to embrace these new moments with excitement and encouragement and a positive attitude.  Yes, there's that natural mommy's heart tugging inside of me wanting to sit down and cry everytime she walks through those school doors, but I'm choosing to cherish these times rather than dread them.  Only by the grace of God. I'm certain there will be some more tears in the days ahead, getting adjusted to our new routine, but that's ok as long as it's not my focus.  They are quickly wiped away by my sweet Avery who tells me, "Mommy, I had soooooo much fun at Kindergarten today!"

What in the world am I going to do when she goes off to college?!  Lord, please start working on me now!