An Apology

I need to apologize for my previous post about sleep, and here's why...

A few months ago a friend led me to a blog about a family whose 4 year old daughter had been diagnosed with cancer.  Unfortunately, an all-too familiar story in my book.  And having seen first hand how this cancer, called neuroblastoma, has stolen the lives of many children at St. Jude, my heart hurt deeply for this family.  Of all things, pediatric cancer is wrong; it's nasty.  Precious, innocent children who can't understand...however, you wouldn't believe the wisdom that I've sometimes seen from these patients.  Now to be honest, I left the blog at that.  I didn't continue reading or following this family.  I selfishly couldn't do it.

Last week I noticed that my same friend on Facebook had been posting blog entries from this blog on her status.  I read the titles of the entries, one being "Susana's tumors are back", but again, I couldn't bring myself to finding out exactly what was going on in this little girl's life.  I knew it was bad news.  So I finally got enough courage to open it up and read, and of all places, I was at the hairdresser.  I was getting a cut and color, and as I sat waiting for the foils in my hair to do their magic....instead of picking up a magazine to pass the time, I picked up my phone and read their blog.  And I began sobbing.  Her tumors are back and there's no medical hope of curing her on this side of heaven.  She's 4 years old, just like our Avery.  I pulled myself together, hoping nobody would see me, and hoping that I wouldn't have to explain myself to my hair-girl.  It was all I could do to sit still and let her finish.  As soon as I got to my car, I wept.  I put my hands over my face and wept for this family.  Reading these posts from a father's heart, a Christian family who continues to give God the glory, a 4 year old princess....I guess their story just hit close to home. 

Their reality put things in perspective for me, and I felt so small, and selfish, and petty complaining that I don't get a good night's sleep.  How in a few months, when Susana has gone home to be with the Lord, they would long to have her here, calling out for them in the middle of the night.  How I should give thanks that my children know if they need something, to call out for me, and I can make things better...compared to the helplessness these parents feel in not being able to "fix things" for their daughter.  I complain that some nights I have to sleep with Avery "for a minute", when this family will one day soon hope for another minute of Susana's life here on earth. 

To this family, and to all others who are walking the same path, I'm so sorry for complaining about my healthy children and about the fact that I haven't been getting a good night's sleep.  I know you'd switch places with me in a heartbeat.  Forgive me for my "woe is me" attitude.  It's called parenthood; it comes with the territory.  Get over it.  Focus on what's important; focus on the eternal.  Pray for those who are hurting.  The father shared in one of his posts that sleep is his only relief; it's the only time of day that his heart isn't consumed with emotions over his dying daughter.  If anybody needs a good night's rest, it is this family. 

Here is their blog.  They have been missionaries in Haiti for several years, so this website was originally designed for their ministry.  But you can find their blog on this site.  Please pray for them.  Pray for Susana.  Pray for God's grace to completely cover them, every single moment, every breath of every day.